Ski Rex Media Mountain Resort Has An Offical Opening Date -- <<< Press Release >>>

Ski Rex Media today, April 1, 2021, is announcing the opening of Vermont's newest and possibly largest, most gaudy ski hill...Ski Rex Media Mountain Resort.

Nestled in the Green Mountains, Ski Rex Media Mountain Resort will be home to everything a New England skier or snowboarder could ever want, including some things that they might not want at all.

"The idea here is to bring together all the wonder of a day taking laps on the snow and ice with many of the vices not typically associated with New England snowsports," said Tim Meyer, said CEO and top dawg at Ski Rex Media.

Aside from offering skiing and riding on more peaks than one would want to count, which would include an almost hour car ride from the most southern base lodge to the more northern, many of the resort's base areas will include casinos filled with all the gambling and other delights one would expect on a trip to Atlantic City or Las Vegas.

"All of the gaming tables, slot machines, and pretty girls anyone could want to see will be ready and waiting this winter," said Mackenzie Elisabeth, leader of the mountain's own Rexies, who are not only the dancing and promo women, but also provide security, each one having a background in both armed and unarmed combat.

The resort will stretch almost 80 miles from south to north, with base lodges placed appropriately along the length of the resort. While the exact number of trails and lifts have yet to be finalized, the mountain will boast terrain fit for and every skier and rider with the lifts to match. This includes lift technology ranging from surface lifts to gondolas, as well as a never-before-seen "12 Pack" chairlift exclusive to the mountain. Though, lift operations boss Lif-Tee Smith has said, "We will not be having any button style, Poma surface lifts at the resort. Though they were discussed during the planning stages, the higher-ups decided they didn't want them."

The mountain will be open to all comers, including accepting just about every pass known to humankind, including Indy, Epic, Ikon, Mountain Collective, Ski Freaks Unlimited, Your Mom's Pass, and several others that are either not mainstream or have names too vulgar to mentioned in mixed company.

"We just want to make sure everyone gets a chance to see the resort," said one of the ticket sellers, who are already at the resort for training.

The resort's first day of operations will begin on November 31st, 2021 with a free day for all of those that wish to explore the mountains.

"In the end, that's all we're looking to do with this resort. We want to get as many folks here as we can, as often as we can. The joys of skiing, snowboarding, and other snow and mountain sports should be shared with everyone. Well, I'm also feeding my own arrogance and narcissism with this place, but mostly the bringing of snow sports to the masses," once again, from the resort's fearless leader, Tim Meyer.

Top Image by David Mark from Pixabay

P.S. - Happy April Fools' Day 2021


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